Marketing 101

The following is an email that I sent to Herr's Snack Foods regarding one of their products.



Dear Herr's,

I recently stopped by a local gas station (a Shell on the corner of Poplar & Hollywood, in Memphis, TN) and saw a large, prominently displayed stand of your new "Creamy Dill Pickle" chips.

My question is about the name of the product. "Creamy" is perhaps the absolute worst adjective one could use to describe a pickle. A friend told me that "creamy dill" is a type of sauce, but this is no excuse as your chips are not called Creamy Dill Chips, but rather Creamy Dill Pickle Chips.

Do you guys do focus testing? I ask because I can't imagine a sane person hearing a pickle described as creamy and not throwing up a little bit in his mouth.

Also, your baby back rib flavor does not taste like ribs. They taste pretty good, though. And I can understand the choice to name them as you did because it makes your product stand out on the shelf against all the other barbecue chips. Obviously someone over there has some marketing savvy, and I applaud him for it. However, that person obviously wasn't given the memo that you were about to launch a pickle flavored chip and describe it as creamy, or he would've yelled in Mr. Herr's dumb face and quit and gotten a job where his ability to describe things in flattering and inaccurate ways would be appreciated.

Following is a list of appropriate adjectives bound to possible chip flavors:

Sweet Mesquite Chips
Extreme Hot Chips
Easy Cheesy Chips
Sexy Mexican Taco Chips
Creamy Milkshake Chips
Weird Pickle Chips

I would be happy to help you name future products so that you can stop making fools of yourselves over there. My email address is enclosed for this purpose.

Sincerely,
Stan Polson

PS: You guys are so weird.